However, this teaches
adolescents that if they throw a tantrum, they can get out of a limit. Teens
who learn this will also have difficulty experiencing healthy adult
relationships. To help your child avoid this relational future, you’ll want to
teach him to accept responsibilities in relationships without having outbursts.
Many parents who fear
their teen’s anger have either had little experience in dealing with anger or
had some very negative experiences. Whichever the case, these parents have few
tools to deal with angry people, so they avoid confronting them because it’s
too uncomfortable.
If this is your
struggle, in addition to fearing your teen’s anger, you may also fear the
strength of your own anger. To resolve this fear, learn to experience and
normalize anger — your own and others’ — as a part of life. Make this an
intentional item of growth for yourself.
You can get used to
angry feelings by dealing with them in your own supportive relationships. Tell
others about your discomfort with anger, and practice expressing your anger in
safe relationships. Also learn how to listen while others express their anger.
Instead of panicking or fearing the worst, focus on what the person has to say
and then have a conversation about it. The book, How to Have That
Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding, may be a good
resource for helping you learn how to have healthy, confrontational
conversations so that you can work through your fear of anger.
If your teen is never
angry with you, you’re probably doing something wrong! So let your teen get mad at you, and stay
present with her, as long as she is in some sort of control of herself. Remind
yourself that when parents hold to the established limits, adolescents respond
in anger. This is normal. If you can stay with your teen’s anger and still love
her while holding the line, she can more readily learn to give in and let go of
her anger, which is a major step toward maturity. The task is to stay connected
to your teen even while she is angry, and yet still hold the line. With this
approach, she can more readily accept your limit and give up her angry protest
of your rules.
This article should really hit home for some parents, I hope it blesses you !.
Grace
